Momentum
by Spirit of Water - Aqueria
Summary: This is a story about one girl’s journey to become a great duelist. But obstacles will block her road to success, the major one being her pride…and perhaps all she needs is a little help from an angel. [Edo x OC x Hell Kaiser]
1. 1

_My name is Toukouseki. Sickle Crystal or something among those lines._

"I offer my D-hero Disk Guy as a tribute to add an extra 1,000 attack points to my Dash Guy and activate my facedown—D-chain, granting him another 500 attack points."

_Life is painful when you're not number one. At least, it is for me._

"Now, D-hero Dash Guy—finish her Necroface and the remainder of her life points!"

The next few moments consists of blinking lights and blurs. All I remember seeing is a mecha-looking monster on wheels striding to my side of the field and then tentacles writher in the air before a huge explosion kicks up a cloud of whirling dust. When the dust clears, my life points tick to zero and I drop to one knee.

"You rely too much on power and too little on skill," Edo states indifferently as the holograms disappear and takes out his deck from the duel disk.

"I didn't **ask **you," I snap back defensively, fueled by my irritation that I had lost yet again. Edo simply looks down at me with half-lidded eyes as I kneel in front of him, gasping and catching my breath from the duel that left me exhausted.

"Come back with a theme and a strategy," he says emotionlessly before turning a heel and walking away. His words make the blood boil in my veins; I clench my fists and glare at his retreating back.

"_I HAVE ONE_!" I yell after him. I swallow a lump in my throat. "And aren't you going to take my medal-aisu?"

Edo shrugs before coolly replying, "I told you already—I don't need any more medals from trash."

Then he leaves.

Six times this month I've lost to Edo Phoenix. Six times. He started to get bored of me after the second or third time but I was desperately persistent so he dueled me over and over again, yet refused to take my medals over and over again when I lost. _Get better_, is his underlining message and I don't understand why.

I try to calm myself down so I go to my dorm's cafeteria, ignoring the strange looks directed at me when I enter through cafeteria doors because I'm not in white. I refuse to be a part of the Hikari no Kessha and I'll duel anybody who tries to force me to join. I buy myself a drink from the vending machine and sit at an empty table, mulling over how to get better when I can't get any better than I already am.

"Tou-san? What are you doing here? This probably isn't the best place to relax, you know..." a voice bomb-drops from the sky and shatters my thoughts. I don't bother glancing around; I know it's Momoe and Junko AKA two of the other girls who aren't in the Kessha.

"Toukouseki da," I reply impassively, stirring my drink with the straw. "Use my full name-aisu."

"Let me guess, you lost a duel again?" asks Junko, clucking her tongue sympathetically. "You always mope in the cafeteria when this happens. What is this—the fifth time this month?"

Sixth, I mentally correct her. "I'm _not_ moping."

"I don't get why you continue dueling this mysterious person you won't let us in on," Momoe comments and stacks her hands on her hips. "Depression isn't healthy you know…"

_And neither is hair gel but am I accusing you? _I mimic a response in my head. _Besides, I only insist on dueling Edo because he's the only duelist I haven't been able to defeat yet and he won't take my medals **OR** let me lose gracefully, that prick. _

While I'm absorbed in my thoughts, Junko leans over, steals my drink, and takes a nip at it without my permission. Then she draws back and makes a disgusted face.

"**Yuck.** Is this one of those diet milkshakes, Tou-san?" she says, looking like she just swallowed an ant. I know she's just grimacing because of diet milkshake's taste and not because the idea of me drinking a diet milkshake was revolting, or just plain funny, but I feel annoyed at her either way.

"Toukouseki da," I say irritably and snatch the drink out of Junko's grasp. "And_ thank_ you-aisu."

"What's up with the ugly chick?" comments a voice and I tense up immediately. "She looks pissed off."

Momoe gasps. "Wakame-san! That's mean…"

"Whoops, sorry," Tori AKA Manjyome's #2 crony says briskly, but he doesn't sound the least bit apologetic. "I didn't know she was a friend of yours."

"I'm _not_."

Tori awards me with a cold smile. "Well, there's no problem then. So let me ask again—_what's up with the ugly chick_? _She looks pissed off_."

Momoe glares at him reproachfully before turning to face me. "Don't listen to him," she assures soothingly like I'm a six-year-old and I want to kick her in the face for using that tone on me. "And of course you're our friend, Tou-san."

"_No_. I'm_ not_," I repeat with a slight hint of sarcasm in my voice. I scoot out of the chair and wave two fingers at the girls. "_Ta ta_." I drape an arm over my stomach and mockingly give the boy a body bow. "Wakame-kun."

"_Tou-san_—" Junko protests, hurt.

"You didn't say the magic word-aisu," I cut her off, grinning sardonically with my mouth flashing a fake, toothy smile. My eyes are narrowed, my eyebrows are knitted together and the apples of my cheeks are bright red like I'm posing for a commercial. "You do realize I'm a better duelist than the two of you combined, right? So _please_, go ahead and piss me off." My grin dissolves into a snarl. "If you haven't learned your lesson from Sommelier Parker then freaking duel me—_I'm up for it, ladies_."

Momoe and Junko don't reply to my challenge; they back away and hold each other, gazing fearfully at me like I'm an escapee from a nearby asylum. I narrow my eyes and issue all three of them a sweet, acidic smile before swerving around and stomping out of the cafeteria.

I was blatantly arrogant back there, but my words are true. I may not have the looks, but I have skill and screw them for not understanding. It's not fair. It's simply _not_ fair I have to stick out like the sore thumb in the crowd because thigh-revealing miniskirts are required as school uniforms. I wanted pants but they wouldn't let me because of some strict rule—_and it's just not fair_.

So now I somewhere outside right now, sitting on a tree trunk and skimming over a mad complicated textbook that hurts me in my brain-place. I don't know specifically where I am, but there's a lot of shade plus there's virtually no one around for at least a third of a mile which was the main feature I chose this location for. Darkness and solitude. Man, oh man, am I becoming more and more like a stereotypical emo teenager every day. Wait until I start writing angst poetry and belting out song lyrics from one of those J-rock bands where the lead singer is a hermaphrodite.

As a general rule of thumb, the level of my sarcasm increases by tenfold whenever I'm in a sour mood. It's a natural, unconscious response because I personally think sarcasm is a tool for beating around the bush when you're not articulate enough to say something straight out. That's why I avoid sarcasm like a rabies-infected mutt, though sometimes I'm just so pissed that my sentences end up laced with sarcasm anyway.

In a poorly executed attempt to release my frustration, I get up to introduce my foot to a charming pine tree. Two points to the genius who exclaims the obvious that it's a rather stupid thing to do but the truth is I'm just hurting badly inside and desperately want something _else _to feel my pain. But thanks to the laws of physics, biology, and tree-kicking, the tree feels nothing and I end up stubbing my toe.

"So this is what you do during your spare time," I hear suddenly hear two voices say, and I stop mutilating the tree trunk to eavesdrop some more. "Hide behind the foliage and spy on other pros."

"Don't flatter yourself, Phoenix. You're far too beneath my level to even be worth spying on."

_Edo...?_

"Oh? Is that also the reason why you didn't take up my challenge for a rematch?"

"Yes."

_And that's...Hell Kaiser Ryou. _

I hear Edo laughing airily. "Come, come, let us be honest here. If you truly saw me as an insect underneath your shoes, you wouldn't be wasting your breath talking to me right now. I know the real reason you didn't accept my challenge—you're scared shitless I'd beat you again. You can't stand the thought of another defeat followed by a period of humiliation, isn't that right…sempai?" Edo taunts his aggravated opponent with a voice dripping with feigned innocence and brash sarcasm.

My heart hammers in my chest as the atmosphere transforms dramatically. Is that kid asking for death on swift wings? I expect Ryou wants to punch the daylights out of Edo for being such a brash snotball. Yet instead, he simply replies in a cool, even voice, "You know as well as I that neither of us have a desire for a rematch, Edo Phoenix."

Edo doesn't goad him further. "Hmph. Fair enough answer."

By this point, I want to run far, far away from these two pros who wholly out of my league—like _a million_ miles away—and once I'm a million miles away from them, I want to get so wasted that today's events are shoved into my brain's zip drive as a hazy memory file that can't be opened due to technical complications.

So that's what I do. I turn around and run. Somewhere. Anywhere.

These thoughts race through my head as I head towards a secluded bench on the island covered with shrubbery and trees where few people past by. Next thing I see is the planks of painted wood and I find myself plopping down on the bench, before I begin to cry. Pathetic, isn't it? I start crying because I'm weak and _oh gods, I'm sorry I'm weak and I'm sorry I'm not pretty and I'm sorry I insulted you Momoe and Junko I didn't mean to and Edo and Ryou, you're such smug bastards_—

"…hey. Are you alright?"

I quickly glance up to see none other than Edo Phoenix standing in front of me—_and what the hell is he doing here_? Wasn't he with Ryou just moments ago?

My heart thumps rapidly in my chest but I don't let my anxiety show. "Get lost-aisu," I mumble, avoiding his eyes and burying my nose into the tissue so it looked like I had allergies. My eyes probably gave it away, though.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"If nothing happened you wouldn't have a tear-streaked face."

"Go away."

"It's not attractive when girls cry."

The word 'attractive' plucks a sour heartstring and I decide that two-syllable replies no longer cut it. "Why do you even care?" I snarl bitterly when his parting words echo in my head. "I'm just _trash_, remember?"

"I'm sorry," Edo says suddenly. "If that's the reason why you're upset…"

There is no warmth in his words. It's all…rehearsed. He's doing this because it's a spur of the moment thing, because he's watched it happen on T.V. in the past and grown to accept that's what teenage boys do when the girl upset to make them feel better. Not because he means it or anything. His concern…all his concern has always been so fake. And I can't blame him because it's all unconscious. Him pretending to be polite and caring. I can see past his façade.

"It's _not_."

You know…if it's one thing I've learned about Edo in the past minute, it's that he wears different masks for different occasions, and keeps the spares in an unsealed jar for easy access. When he duels, his swaggering grin makes the crowds holler until their throats are sore. And when he defeats his opponent, his superior smirk sends the loser scampering away with their tail between their legs. Then when he greets fans, his charming smile makes the girls flutter their mascara-drenched eyelashes and whisper his name breathlessly.

But when the duel is over and the hysteria calms down, his arrogance, his authority, his charisma—it all disappears. Edo puts the mask he's currently wearing back into the jar and closes the jar. This is his real self: quiet and polite and utterly _normal_.

Despite this, I remove the tissues hiding my face and brazenly glare up at him with my eyes red and puffy from crying and my nose resembling a cherry, wishing with all my heart he would just leave me be. Of all the millions of people in the world that I'd want to discover find me in this state he's the last one on the thousand page long list.

He scrutinizes me as if doing that long enough will break my vow of silence or something. Then he shrugs; a sign he's given up already, kind of like a, "_Oh well, but I tried and that's that._" I call it false concern. If he really cared, he wouldn't have resigned so quickly. Thanks, you bastard.

"Fine."

Edo begins to walk away when I feel some inexplicable urge to exclaim, "Don't you want to know my name?"

He stops and gives me a backward glance.

"It's Toukouseki-aisu." I falter before blurting out, "But -aisu isn't my last name! It's my…sentence ender. I just thought you should know the name of the duelist who defeats you…"

Edo doesn't say anything; he just draws his lips together in an awkward smile without feeling, looks away and begins walking again. I feel empty when he leaves. Nothing I said mattered to him; _nothing _at all. He doesn't even see me as a challenge, a rival. To him, I'm little more than scum beneath his feet.

It's just my luck that as soon as Edo leaves, a couple of guys from the Hikari no Kessha rear their heads and play their favorite game of bully-any-bystander-on-the-premises. I guess my secluded spot is no longer secluded.

"Lookie here, we've got ourselves a crybaby," taunts one guy in white while three others form a semi-circle around me. "Would you like me to wipe away your tears, little baby?"

Bullshit, I don't need this. I mop away my tears with the back of my hand and stand up, unlocking the duel disk from my arm as I do so.

"A four-to-one duel," I say. "This won't take more than ten minutes-aisu."

_Three years ago, I hit rock bottom. I learned when your face is in dirt the only way to go is up. _

I won that duel. For a few shining moments, it didn't matter that I couldn't defeat Edo—I could defeat everybody else. They were going to be my stepping stones to reach him.

_So I shook the dirt out of my hair and clawed my way up. It didn't matter if my fingernails ripped apart and bled, I wanted to be the perfect duelist. The best. _

As I stared at the three shiny medals in my palm, I promised myself I would never cry in public again.


	2. 2

What's the definition of a bully? A person who intimidates weaker people? Picture this scenario: There's this totally-not-ugly girl trying to eat her 250-calorie lunch consisting of two riceballs on campus ground when a bunch of Hikari no Kessha goons up to no good start beating up another student right under her nose. Then this girl decides to carry out a good deed and jumps in to defend the poor, defenseless student only to be rudely insulted in the face about her face and—le behold, it's the same guys she beat two days ago in a four-to-one duel. They provoked the girl first so why can't she defend herself in return? That doesn't make her a bully. I'm sure it doesn't.

"You call yourself men-aisu?" I shout, kicking one of the boys in the cheek. "Where are your balls?"

He flies back and lands on a table while one of his friends tries to land a punch on me in which I knee him in the abdomen. Another guy elbows me in the ribs but I jump back in time to avoid most of the blow even if it knocks the breath out of me. To pay him back, I roundhouse kick him and sink my ankle into his side, sending him crashing into a nearby bush. The last of the four rushes towards me, fist poised to hammer in my skull but I dodge, only to get pummeled in the face and then in the stomach. Blood gushes out of my nose and I drop to the ground, pain coursing throughout my body. Slowly, they all recover and make their way around me, their shadows falling over my fallen body. Then somebody kicks me in the chest and flips me over.

"Well, _damn_. I never knew a whore like you can cause so much trouble…" A foot stomps me on my back and I groan at his weight. "…now just stay where you are like useless trash on the ground. We'll be taking our medals back too."

White hot fire licks my insides like never before. My fingers scrape the dirt as I clench my hands into fists. I don't know how I did it but somehow I manage to trip the scumbag who said those words, stumble off the ground, and drive my foot between his legs.

"_Don't call me that_." I whip my leg around and strike him in the jaw. His head jerks to the side from the impact and some blood accompanied with a lone tooth flies out. "You're down one tooth and down one nut," I seethe, my eyes narrowed into slits. "I felt it go like a grape. Now…how much more are you willing to wager?"

Two of them charge at me and I leap up, split-kicking them both in the face. Thirty seconds later, the other three lay on the ground next to their leader, groaning and clutching various parts of their bodies in pain. Yes...I'm number one. Ichiban. Yet somehow victory doesn't feel so sweet when the strength drains from my body and I'm on the ground with them. My nose is streaming with blood from both nostrils, my hair is matted with mud, my uniform is dirty yet my hands are uninjured. I'm not good with my fists; my arms fly uselessly around my head whenever I fight.

But I'm still not a bully. They shouldn't have provoked me and they shouldn't have picked on random students. I'm not a bully.

Speaking of random students, I glance over at the student I just saved. He's a dorky kid with green eyes framed by glasses, black hair in a messy bowl-shaped haircut, and a very naive look on his face. He also has a photo clenched in his hand, but the thing that strikes me the most is his uniform. It's_ white_.

"You're a member of the Hikari no Kessha," I say bluntly. Why was a member of the Hikari no Kessha getting beat up other members of the Hikari no Kessha? The boy doesn't seem to hear me, however.

"Are you alright?"

Alright? Am I alright? It's questions like these that made the gods peer down from the skies and roar in merry laughter at the stupid sentimental tendencies that only us humans possessed. If I say I'm alright, Kanda will immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm lying between her teeth in order to keep up my 'tough girl' act. On the other hand, if I say I'm **not **alright, I will just wasting oxygen by stating the obvious and pointing out something that he can _clearly see for himself_. So I hate this question because no matter how I answer it, both answers lead to the same result.

"I'm fine," I reply shortly, wholly irritated.

"…I really appreciate what you did. Thank you, thank you, thank you," he whispers breathlessly. "I'm Kanda Ts—"

"—this never happened," I cut through his ramblings, irked. "And I never met you. Now _leave_."

He peers at me with those big, green eyes before fleeing out of sight. I sigh and massage my temples with my index fingers. Then I stare at my half-eaten lunch and feel a wave of nausea overwhelm me. I feel really disgusted with myself. Unable to take another bite, I toss my onigiri in a nearby garbage can.

I decide to take a walk after running to the lake and washing the dirt and pebbles out of my hair; it's all tangled and reeks of algae but at least I didn't have to go back to the dorms to change. I want to find someone to duel. I have twelve medals so far and six losses (all to _Edo_) but I'm sure I can beat him one day, I'm sure of it!

"...and that's another win for Kochou Ran!"

The declaration snaps me out of my thoughts and I realize that I have just walked in a duel located by the far side of the lake. A girl with long, magenta hair is jumping high in the air while a boy in a Ra Yellow uniform hangs his head in defeat in front of her. Her uniform exposes her curvy waist and her Obelisk Blue top is cut open to show off her full bust. (She's so pretty…) I notice the people who speculating the duel stare at her with mingled envy and awe and I feel odd because I wish that attention were on me instead.

"Wait for me, Ryou-sama, I'll see you yet!" the girl squeals, clasping her hands together and twisting around in glee. "So who's my next victim?"

_…Ryou-sama_?

"How about me, Kochou-kun?" I proclaim loudly. "Tawashi Toukouseki's the name!"

Heads swerve my direction and obviously nobody noticed me even enter the premises up to now.

"_You_?" Ran says in surprise, blinking. Then she breaks into a smile. "Alright then. I guess I could use another warm up!"

I frown. "Make all the sarcastic remarks you want-aisu…"

I stand in the spot where her last opponent was kneeling in and activate my duel disk while she reshuffles her deck.

"DUEL!" we shout simultaneously.

"I'll go first," Ran says with a confident smile. "I summon Howling Insect in attack mode, set one card facedown, and end it at that."

"My move." I slap a card on one of the empty slots of my duel disk. "Rise up Demon Soldier and take these two spells—Mage Power and Demon Axe—to boost your power to 3,900. Now exterminate her bug!"

An axe appears next my caped fiend; he raises the weapon and slices her blue locust in two as well as decreasing her life points to 1,300.

"Not a smart thing you did just there," Ran growls. "You see, whenever my Howling Insect is destroyed, I can special summon one insect-type monster from my deck as long as it has 1,500 ATK or less…and I'll choose my Pinch Hopper!" A green grasshopper materializes in place of locust and I frown which she takes as a sign I'm out of moves. "Then it's my turn, I suppose!" She swipes the next card off the top her deck. "I summon my Anti-Aircraft Flower to the field in defense mode."

"First it's bugs, now it's botany-aisu," I say blandly.

"Oh, you won't be laughing when I activate my Flower's special ability. By sending one insect-type monster AKA my Pinch Hopper to the graveyard, I can inflict 800 points of direct damage to your life points. In addition, when Pinch Hopper gets sent to the graveyard, I can special summon one insect-type monster from my hand—namely, my Insect Princess! Next, I'll play a field spell called Pollinated Flower Garden. Then to wrap things up, I'll activate my reverse card, DNA Surgery and change all the monsters on the field to insect-types."

A flotilla of holograms invade the field; I watch with mild trepidation as a flower with satellite tendrils appear, then a butterfly, then a giant garden, then a trap card, and when I finally notice that my Demon Soldier has sprouted mosquito wings and antennas my life points have dropped to a mere 1,300.

"Oh, did I forget to mention?" Ran says saucily, tucking her hand into her hip. "Whenever my Insect Princess destroys an insect-type monster, she gains 500 ATK points. I'll end my turn with one card facedown."

"Ah," I say dryly as Insect Princess flutters her wings and her attack rises to 2,400. "My move, Kochou-kun." She lost me after Anti-Aircraft Flower's effect but I don't let my confusion show. I draw my card with a stern face, ignoring the fact I am nearly knee-high in holographic buds and sprouts. "As lovely as your flowers and bugs are, I think you're forgetting a very important fact: my Demon Soldier still has more attack points! Destroy her Insect Princess-aisu!"

"I activate my reverse card: Holy Barrier – Mirror Force!" Ran proclaims and Demon Soldier shatters with a bang.

I curse. Then I glance at my hand which consists of Call of the Living Dead, Necroface, Poison of the Old Man, and Mad Dog of Darkness. "I summon Mad Dog of Darkness to the field in attack mode and lay two cards facedown," I announce, wrapping my turn up quickly and inwardly grimacing when my monster changes from a dog to an insect.

"That's it? Well, I guess it's time to finish this duel," Ran grins. "I summon my Skull-Marked Ladybug to the field, but she's not staying here for long because my Pollinated Flower Garden sends her to your side of the field. Now insect Princess, destroy Skull-Marked Ladybug!"

I do some quick calculations in my head. 2,400 minus 500 will be 1,900 and I only have 1,300 life points left…"I activate my reverse card, Poison of the Old Man and choose to gain 1,200 life points-aisu!" I shout just in the nick of time. I'm blown back by Insect Princess' attack but my life points only trickle to 600. I'm safe for now and Ran seems to have the same idea in mind.

"You've saved yourself for now," she says, a bit peeved. "But don't forget my Insect Princess gains another 500 ATK. Oh, yeah. When Skull-Marked Ladybug gets sent to the graveyard I gain 1,000 life points because of her special effect."

"_Effects, effects, effects…_" I mimic darkly under my breath as her life points rise to 2,300. "Doesn't she ever get sick of hearing herself talk?" I draw my card. "My move. I play Pot of Greed to draw two cards-aisu. Then I'll activate Call of the Living Dead to re-summon my Demon Soldier to the field and sacrifice both monsters to summon my Cosmo Queen!"

A spellcaster with a crown larger than her body materializes on my side of the field and I feel my heart lighten up. Ran looks a bit worried.

"That won't do you too much good seeing as my Insect Princess and your Cosmo Queen have the same amount of attack points…" she says, but looks uncertain. I smirk.

"Think again, Kochou-kun. I equip my Cosmo Queen with a card known as Megamorph and because my life points are lower than yours, her attack doubles. Finish this game, Cosmo Queen!"

Ran screams as there's a huge explosion. When the smoke clears, her life points are at a dead zero. A handful of medals fly out of her pocket.

"I win."

The holograms disappear and feeling content, I kneel down to pick up her medals. When I get up there's a patch of silver hair midst the crowd accompanied by sharp blue eyes. I blink; Edo was watching the entire duel. I ignore Ran's whimpering of, "_I'm so sorry, Ryou-sama…_" and strut over to the boy.

"How did you like that-aisu?" I sneer at him. "Another win."

He looks at me like I'm an imbecile and crosses his arms, leaning against a nearby tree trunk. "That was terrible."

Immediately, my good mood turns sour. "What do you mean _terrible_?"

"Do you have anything in that deck of yours other than powerhouse monsters and equip spells?"

I mirror his actions by crossing my own arms. "Does it matter?"

"There's more to Duel Monsters than just raw power," he replies. "It's called skill."

"I have skill! As a matter of fact, I have enough skill to beat y—"

"I don't understand why you insist on inflating your ego when you can't stand a chance against me at your current state," he says all of a sudden, his acidic words making my stomach twist into knots and the blood in my veins grow cold. Edo gives me a cold smile. "It's very pathetic, actually."

A strange emotion I identify as shame makes my cheeks flare up. "...I..._hate..._you," I grit out between clenched teeth.

"Huh? Yeah?" Edo responds with a sardonic laugh and quirks an eyebrow. "How far has hating gotten you?" He pushes himself from the tree and begins walking away.

"Where are you going?" I demand.

"You're a waste of my time," he replies without even looking at me.

"_GET BACK HERE_!" I scream at him, oblivious to everybody's ogling and whispering.

Edo stops for a moment and shoots a fleeting glance in my direction, fed up and exasperated. "Pull down your skirt," he mutters. "Next time, don't try split-kicks while you're in school uniform."

—_I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him—_

Humiliated, I curse the invention of mini-skirts while Edo prowls away. I then come to the conclusion the definition of bully should be changed from '**A person who intimidates weaker people.**' to _'_**A very annoying pro-league duelist who likes egging on innocent girls who are just trying to prove their worth in the world and perhaps lose twenty pounds in the process**.'

I have this terrible urge to kick him in the place where it hurts the most. I want to hurt him really badly because he's the source of my frustration, he's the reason my life is miserable, and I'm hurting inside and I just desperately want somebody_ else_ to feel it. But I can't take my frustration out on anybody but Edo. Stupid, stupid Edo with his stupid perfect hair and stupid perfect hair and stupid perfect cards.

"Ryou-sama!" Ran suddenly shrieks, her voice euphorically happy and desperate all at once. "It's you! It's you! It's—"

"—shut up."

The cold blood in my veins turns into ice and I barely notice that Edo has glanced back with curiosity.

You know, I feel sympathetic towards Ran. She's on her hands and knees with her magenta hair covering her face—covering the fresh hand mark that now resides on her left cheek. The people who were cheering for her mere moments ago are now silent. Nobody can believe Hell Kaiser _slapped_ her.

Ran had immediately clung to his arm the moment he appeared and gushed about how her love for him burned with the intensity of a thousand suns—and then he struck her face with a single hand and uttered two words: _Shut up_.

Now she's sobbing uncontrollably on the ground. I don't dislike her any longer. I want to help her. But I don't. Instead, my gaze trails back to the callous Hell Kaiser. He's dressed in a pitch-black trenchcoat and he has a metallic suitcase in his hand. Some people are muttering about why Hell Kaiser came back to Duel Academia in the first place while others are simply sneaking away, trying to save their necks from trouble that's bound to happen with him on the premises.

However, I can hardly contain myself. Ryou Marufuji is _right here_, only a few feet away from me. Ever since I watched his graduation duel with Yuuki Juudai, I've wanted to duel him so badly for so long—

"Marufuji-kun!" I begin. "I challenge you to a—"

Something stops me, or more specifically, _someone_. Edo materializes out of thin air (I thought he left, dammit) and blocks me from Ryou.

"So you still aren't satisfied even after winning against your own brother, huh?" he says saucily in a voice he rarely uses. "That's a shame but luckily I'm always looking forward to a good thrashing."

I shove Edo aside. "Let **me** be your opponent!"

Ryou slowly turns his head towards me. His eyes are eerily cold. "…you?" he repeats impassively.

Edo brushes his suit of with a scoff and places a hand on his hip in a swaggering sort of way. "Save yourself the humiliation and leave the pros to the pros, girl," he sneers with a sneer I only see him give in front of other people. The arrogance is merely a pretense but it pisses me off nonetheless. I grind my teeth. Edo freakin' _knows_ my name.

"Be _quiet_-aisu," I rejoin. "I'm much better than you think I am, alright?"

"Then you're delusional."

"Shut up!"

"Ah-ha. Temper, temper…"

"Why you—"

"_Fine_," Ryou finally says. "I'll duel you."

The exchange of insults cease. Edo drops his cocky façade and shoots me a frown. I ignore him and smirk in silent triumph.

"Toukouseki's the name-aisu!" I announce proudly.

I expect Ryou to open up his suitcase and take something important out of it but he simply hurls it aside before activating his duel disk. I follow his motion. Edo moves out of the way and walks behind me, but gives me a meaningful look before he does so; it's between a glare and a serious gaze that speaks of words untold. I think he's trying to tell me I'm making a huge mistake but frankly, I don't give a damn what he thinks right now. My heart's pounding with trepidation.

"DUEL!" we shout.

Ryou fans his cards and selects one before placing it on his duel disk. "I summon Bomber Dragon in attack mode and lay a card facedown. I end my turn."

I draw my card. "I summon Blood Vorse to the field—now attack!" Blood Vorse's crescent-blade sword digs deep into the dragon's flesh yet a moment later, it explodes and when the field clears, I'm left defenseless. "…what in the _world_?" I exclaim.

"The monster that destroyed Bomber Dragon in battle is also destroyed," is Ryou's only explanation.

"Fine," I say, disappointed. "I set a card facedown and end my turn-aisu." He draws his card and is just about to play one when I interrupt him. "Hold on, Marufuji-kun! I activate my facedown—Cry of the Living Dead and revive my fallen Blood Vorse!"

The beast warrior returns to the field but he acts as if I haven't said anything at all. Ryou holds up a spell card. "Hand Obliteration."

I grunt and slide my hand into the graveyard slot on my duel disk before drawing four more cards. It wasn't a great hand anyway: Ghost Duke, Poison of the Old Man, Eternal Rest, and Demon Soldier. No equip cards. At least my new one is better now.

"Next I activate my Samsara Dogma and change all the monsters in both graveyards into dragon-types. Then I summon Cyber Dark Keel."

I stare at the metallic, serpent-like dragon that emerges before my eyes in disbelief. 800 ATK? Why in the world would the infamous Hell Kaiser have such a weak monster—

"When my Cyber Dark Keel is summoned, its effect allows it to equip one level 4 dragon-type monster from either of our graveyards. I choose your Demon Soldier."

Judging from his monster's power going from 800 to 2,700 I'm going to take a guess that Keel also absorbs the equipped card's ATK points. My monster takes its second visit to the graveyard and my life points slide to 2,200. Then there's an unexpected jolt of electricity and my life points slip by another 300.

"…w-what just happened there?"

"Whenever Cyber Dark Keel destroys a monster, its effect activates. My opponent loses 300 life points," Hell Kaiser explains icily. "I set a card facedown. Make your move."

_What is with people and effects? First it's the insect princess, now it's him! _

"…indeed," I mutter, disgruntled that he outwitted me once again. "I summon Mad Dog of Darkness and equip it with Megamorph, doubling its attack-aisu. Speaking of attack, destroy his Cyber Dark Keel!"

Unconcerned, Ryou coolly flips over a card on his duel disk. "Activate reverse card, Rising Energy. By discarding a card from my hand, Cyber Dark Keel gains an extra 1,500 ATK.

Mad Dog of Darkness is obliterated and my life points drop to 1,200. _Goddammit. _I drop to my knees, utterly mortified that he got the better of me **again**. I understand Ryou is a Pro-League duelist, one of the best as a matter of fact, but I always thought I was on his level; that maybe I actually stood a chance against him with a little help of lady luck…

"I presume your turn is over."

I barely hear him. All I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears.

"I summon Cyber Dark Horn and equip it with Hell Dragon."

Another 800 ATK monster? And Hell Dragon…but how did that…? Right, Rising Energy…I don't understand…Ryou's summoning weak monsters left and right while discarding his most powerful ones to the graveyard…what kind of strategy is this…? And how come it's beating me…? Is he that good…? No, I'm just that bad at dueling.

I rely too much on power just like Edo told me.

_Fuck_.

Reality hurts.

"Finish this duel."

His monster comes hurtling towards me at full throttle and I do nothing but stay on my place in the ground, where I belong, on the ground as a loser…

"_Stand up_," a voice suddenly whispers into my ear.

I blink. Was that just _Edo_? Wait, why is Edo saying this? He opposed to me having this duel from the very beginning so why is he asking me to prolong it now?

"_Stand up and activate your trap_," Edo says again.

And what trap? I glance at my feet. Wait, that's right—I still have a trap card facedown on the field. But why should I activate this card? What's the point of continuing the humiliation? I was a fool to challenge Hell Kaiser. I don't have the skill to defeat him.

"_Why the hell are you telling me continue this duel?" _I hiss at Edo out of the corner of my mouth. _"You should be **happy**. You were right and I was wrong."_

I expect Edo to scoff but instead he says in a neutral voice,_ "Do you really want to lose to anybody other than me?_"

Edo…

No, I don't.

His words spark a flame inside my soul which is ironic because my facedown card is just the opposite. I get up from the ground unsteadily but have enough energy to shout, "I activate Frozen Soul, which skips your battle phase if my life points are 2,000 or more below yours-aisu!"

Ryou's eyes flicker uncertainly as his monster's attack is suddenly stopped by the silhouette of a skull. He scrutinizes my swaying body; I look like I'm about to faint. "I end with a card facedown," he retorts.

"My move. I play Pot of Greed and draw two cards-aisu." I take a gander at the cards: Cosmo Queen and Devilzoa. I smile and feel a bit of confidence return to me. This might work after all. But before I can declare my next move, Edo interrupts me.

"_Think about what you do_."

"_I'm thinking_!" I protest, trying to move my lips as little as possible so Ryou doesn't start to suspect something. I clear my throat and say in a strong voice, "Now I summon—"

"_Don't," _Edo cuts through my train of thought like knife in butter. _"Play the card to your far right_."

I don't think I can ever feel more humiliated in my life than having a kid younger than me tell me how to win a duel. I want to goddamn kick him between the legs for contradicting me.

"_You want to win or not_?"

I swallow my pride and close my eyes and count to ten. Then I expel a very heavy sigh. "Forget summoning, then," I say with much difficulty. "Instead I'll play Excavation of Mage Stones and discard Pot of—"

"_The two monster cards_."

"—never mind, Devilzoa and Cosmo Queen to the graveyard to bring back one of my spell cards, specifically Meg—"

"_Eternal Rest_."

"—Eternal Rest," I change my sentence halfway, my cheeks heating red, and I nearly trip over my words. "Now, I play Eternal Rest…" I trail off, not sure exactly what's going to happen next.

Yet murmurs of appreciation spread across the crowd as Cyber Dark Keel and Horn shatter into tiny pixels. I gasp but Ryou looks unperturbed and continue staring at me, silently waiting for me to finish my move.

"_Play Pot of Avarice,_" is Edo's next order.

"I activate Pot of Avarice and return the five monsters in my graveyard back to my deck-aisu. In exchange, I'm able to draw another two cards." I slip another two cards from my deck and glance at them: Mecha Hunter and Devil Comedian. "Lastly, I summon Mecha Hunter to the field-aisu. Direct attack!"

An orb-shaped machine with metal wings and a spear soars towards Ryou when all of a sudden he sweeps his hand over his facedown card.

"I reveal my trap card, Power Wall. By discarding 19 cards in my deck, I can negate the damage you would have dealt." Then he does the most _bizarre _thing I have ever seen: he takes out half his deck and hurls the cards into the air.

"_Just set the last card_."

"…I place a card facedown-aisu."

I'm uncomfortable and disgusted by his move and I can't say why. His cards flutter feebly in the wind like dying bugs. He steps on one of them as he draws his card.

"This duel is over. I activate Overload Fusion and remove Cyber Dark Keel, Horn, and Edge from the graveyard to summon Armed Black Dragon – Cyber Dark Dragon."

I blink. "Wait, how did you—" Then it hits me. Hand Obliteration. Even though it was never on the field, Cyber Dark Edge had been discarded to the graveyard through Hand Obliteration.

To my horror, a terrible,_ terrible_ beast materializes to the field with metallic skin and drill-shaped wings. My voice is clogged in my throat.

"Next, I'll equip Cyber Dark Dragon with Tyrant Dragon—"

"_Activate the trap right now_."

"Devil Comedian!" I shout nanoseconds after the last word leaves Edo's lips. A golden coin appears and gets tossed into the air when instinct overwhelms me and I shout, "_Tails!_" before it falls. I call right. Frowning, Ryou removes all the cards from his graveyard and shoves them into his pocket. I try not to look fazed and pretend all of this is going according to plan but inwardly, I'm as lost as a baseball in high grass.

"_Devil Comedian removes all the cards in your opponent's graveyard_," Edo fills in helpfully. "_Cyber Dark Dragon can equip a monster from the graveyard to boost its attack so now it's defenseless_."

But he's not entirely right. A monster appears below Cyber Dark Dragon and it connects its wires to their head. But the monster looks familiar. The monster looks like…

"Ghost Duke? Hey, wait a minute—that's _my_ monster!"

Being the bottom card in my graveyard, it was left out from being used to activate Pot of Avarice. But why would Ryou wait up to now to equip this monster especially when Samsara Dogma has been activated all this time? After all, Ghost Duke has more attack points than Mad Dog of Darkness… The question flits out of my mind when Cyber Dark Dragon launches a black sphere of fire at Mecha Hunter and my life points diminish to 150. Then unexpectedly, I cough up some blood into my hand. I stare at my crimson-drenched palm. That's right...I had just gotten out of a fight less than an hour ago and I still haven't fully recovered…

"Oh my god, look at her!" says a familiar voice I can't pinpoint, and I can practically _smell_ her pity.

"Hell Kaiser-san is so cruel," somebody else agrees. "He made her bleed with his attacks. I feel so bad…"

Pity. I_ hate_ pity. I just received pity and it's all Edo's fault. I imagine Edo dying a long and painful death in my head. He led me completely astray, that scumbag. I thought he was trying to actually help me but apparently he's just toying around. "My draw!" I say angrily and swipe a card from my deck.

"May it be your last," Ryou states emotionlessly. "This duel has gone on for too long."

I scowl at him but realize that he might as well be right when I take a gander at the card I drew: Necroface. I'm crestfallen. It's actually the weakest card I own. A friend gave it to me when I was younger so I feel like it was only proper to insert it into my deck but now I wish I really hadn't. **Any** card is better than this one.

"_Play the monster in attack mode." _

_**WHAT**_? Edo has lost it. He's completely lost it. Not only does what he said account for a lot of Grade-A bull, but I don't even have a reason to trust him any longer. He's obviously trying to make me lose on purpose for a good laugh. Suspicion starts to creep into my mind.

"_Play the monster in attack mode," _he repeats again.

"_Shove it_," I snarl at him. "_I'm not so stupid I can fall for the same trick twice_."

He pauses, taken aback my sudden outburst. Then— "_Look." _His voice is stern._ "You can trust me or not trust me. I won't lose or gain anything when the final card is played but can you say the same_?"

My eyes widen at what he says. Why is he always like this? How can he always manipulate me with just simple words? I shake my head; I guess I don't have a choice now.

"I summon Necroface…" I swallow a lump in my throat. "…in attack mode."

What happens next is out of this universe—there's screaming and yelling and darkness covers the field for a few moments and then appears a zombie—she has milk-white porcelain doll face with a huge crack on the side of her skull—her body is wrapped in tentacles—but this doesn't look like the same Necroface I summoned in all my previous duels—and she has _4,200 ATK_? I peek at the card again: the stats read 1,200/1,800. I have no more cards in my hand. I didn't equip anything to her so how did Necroface suddenly gain so much power? I shake my head. Who cares now?

"Attack Marufuji-kun with necro tentacle strangulation-aisu!"

Pink, writhing tentacles shoot out of the gaping hole that is Necroface's skull and wraps around Ryou's legs, arms, and neck before tightening—squeezing him, constricting him, and surely killing him had they been real. Hell Kaiser closes an eye and _winces_, a few gasps escaping his mouth as Necroface continues her attack.

Fearful whispers arise from the crowd and I hear Ran choke back a sob. Ryou's life points crashes to 2,900. The tentacles retract and he massages his throat while shooting a glare at me that would surely mean death on swift wings. But with a 4,200 ATK monster backing me up, I'm not particularly worried. I'm actually smug. I think I might have been one of the few people who ever made him show a sign of weakness…and I guess have Edo to thank for that, even if I'm reluctant to admit it. I make a mental note to apologize to him after I win the duel.

"I summon Cyber Dark Edge and equip it with Mecha Hunter."

I have to choke back a laugh at the sheer desperateness of the move. 2,650 ATK pales in comparison to my Necroface…

"_Brace yourself for defeat_," Edo suddenly whispers into my ear and I erase all thoughts about apologizing from my schedule.

"**W-what**?" I say out loud—but he doesn't have time to explain. There's a violent gust of wind and my life points trickles to zero. I gape at my opponent, utterly bewildered, as the holograms fade away and Ryou briskly removes his deck from the duel disk.

"What…the hell…"

"Cyber Dark Edge has the ability to launch a direct attack in exchange for halving its ATK points," Edo explains behind me, his voice returning to a normal volume now.

I hang my head.

So. It was another effect. I guess Edo was right all this time: it wasn't power that won duels, it was skill.

…sigh…

"Take your goddamned medals-aisu," I grumble at Ryou and throw a handful at him. He barely glances at them.

"Huh. Worthless garbage."

His boot covers the medals and crushes them into the ground. Then he picks up his suitcase and vanishes with a swish of his black trenchcoat, leaving in his wake awe-beheld spectators. I hear some clapping and turn my head in the direction of the applause. Astonishingly enough, it's Momoe and Junko.

"That was really nice, Tou-san..." Momoe congratulates me shakily with a small, unsure grin and I realize she was the one who voiced her concerns during the middle of the duel.

"You didn't win but you did put up a good fight nonetheless," Junko compliments as well. "You should just be grateful that wasn't a hell duel. Shou-kun is still in the infirmary…"

I give them a nod, despite not knowing what a 'hell duel' is. I'm slightly taken a back at their kindness because I still haven't forgotten the bitter incident that took place a couple of days ago.

The audience that was watching us slowly disperses. Some cast hopeful looks at me but most simply shrug and leave because they've predicted the outcome of this duel long before it ended. However, what they didn't predict is that a white-clad kid spurt from the horde people like a bullet and crash straight into my arms.

"Haaa—awesome! That was amazing, Tou-tan! Real cool!" Kanda gushes like a demented fanboy. "I can't believe you almost managed to win a duel against **the **Hell Kaiser!"

Junko cringes at the huggletackle and Momoe mutters "_pervert_" under her breath. I'm about to snort how 'almost' didn't cut it and that I didn't want to see his face ever again when something else catches my attention. A tearstained Ran stumbles in front of me and begins screaming.

"You hurt my Ryou-sama…_you hurt my Ryou-sama_…" Then she breaks off, her voice cracking.

I know Ran isn't upset over the duel but upset over the fact Ryou threw her heart to the ground and stomped on it. The hand mark still glows visibly on her cheek. She staggers towards me, zombie-like, when Kanda suddenly steps in front of me.

"D-don't…don't take a step further," Kanda gulps, trying to act brave.

Ran doesn't seem to hear him. She scrunches her fists into tight balls and pounds them into his chest, childishly, yet Kanda doesn't do anything but stand there and take her hits head on like a human shield. I linger behind, stunned that somebody would actually step forward and _defend _me even if that sobbing devotee doesn't really pose a real threat.

"Fangirls, che."

I don't even need to turn around to know that Edo's standing behind me, arms laced across his chest, his face mingling with boredom and contemptuous amusement. He's such a strange guy—white-hot, cocky, yet polite all wrapped into one package and possesses the slightest bit of disdain towards anyone who can't follow his brain-patterns. I can't begin to imagine what his reasons are for helping me.

Edo simply looks at me with a face wiped clean of any emotion and I feel this odd sensation I can only describe as gratefulness and loathing thrown into one pot and stirred around with a soup ladle. When the silence between us begins to lose its mystical touch, he closes his eyes and turns around with a smirk, lifts a hand and waves a causal goodbye in my direction, and says a few warm words:

"Catch you lat—"

I seize his wrist; he stops half-turn and glances behind at me, looking mildly surprised.

"…teach me how to duel."


	3. 3

When Edo discovers I'm serious about my request, he tells me to follow him to his private ship. Discretely, of course. He doesn't want to tarnish his glossy reputation by having trash like me follow him as if we are…I dunno…friends? _More _than that? Probably. There are some people in this world that are just so desperately inclined to see romance in everything.

So I follow him. I pry Kanda off my waist and get away from Ran who's now beating her fists on _my_ chest before disappearing into the crisscrossing trees. I find Edo leaning against the railing of his ship, drinking in the scenery of the island's five-o'clock sky. I'm happy. I'm excited. For a single brief, fleeting, short-lived, ephemeral moment…I _like_ Edo.

Until he says no.

"I don't understand…" I stutter, incredulous. Summer's just around the corner and the sun beats down against my skin, burning it, drying it up, but despite this I've never felt colder in my life.

"I'm a duelist, not a teacher."

"Say what?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but it's just not in my best interest to 'tutor' you."

"Why? If anything, you should be flattered—" I bite my tongue before the cursed words escape my mouth. _Flattered that somebody looks up to you_. Hell, there's no way Edo's ever going to hear **that** come from me.

"I can't make you a better duelist," he says resignedly. "That's something you have to achieve yourself."

"Don't give me that crap."

He glares at me crossly. "_Look_." His voice is thick with stress. "Do you even have a reason to duel?"

"Of course!" I retort. "I duel to prove I'm powerful—that I'm number one—"

"Those are selfish reasons."

I feel the blood rushing to my face, turning my cheeks red. There he goes, carping on me again. "And what is _your_ half-assed reasons-aisu?" I shoot back, my tone drenched with accusation. "Money? Fame? Fangirls? I wouldn't put those past you, Edo Phoenix…"

"I duel for justice," he avows, thin-lipped, and he suddenly looks ten years older than he was a moment ago. Edo gives me a frosty look, as if daring me to challenge his motives. I take the bait.

I turn my nose up derisively. "Hmph. What a stupid concept-aisu."

Whatever kindness was in his eyes vanishes like steam on a pot. "Don't insult what you can't comprehend."

"Why don't you follow your own advice, you freakin' hypocrite?"

"Hardly," he replies in a crisp, cool tone. "It doesn't take a genius to see your reasons for dueling are so shallow I couldn't even get my feet wet in them."

"Self-achievement isn't superficial."

"Self-achievement isn't an excuse for being superficial."

"Will you _stop_ twisting my words?" I snarl, frustrated that I'm being browbeaten just for telling the **truth**. "This isn't some ego-boosting thing, alright? I just want to get better! Goddammit, Edo, you've never been on the bottom rung of a ladder-aisu! You don't know how it feels to be seen as a loser!"

"Even the best duelists started from the bottom at one point. What separates them from the rest of the mass is the amount of effort they put into their dueling."

I clench my teeth together. I can see the boy is a pro at suggestive innuendos as well as Duel Monsters. Essentially, he's telling me he's awesome because he works hard and I suck because I'm a lazy dimwit.

" Edo," I start, glaring at him through half-lidded eyes, "There's futility and then there's _futility_. Justice is trite, hackneyed, and clichéd. It's like saying your lifelong dream is to obtain world peace. Or to end world hunger. Or to find a cure for some disease. Yeah, it makes you look like a kindled soul in society's eyes but hey, we all know you're just sucking up to the masses-aisu. I mean, people become crime-fighting policemen for justice—people assassinate political figures for their warped sense of justice—but people don't play. A. Card. Game. For. Justice."

I hit a sensitive spot. Edo doesn't quite lose his temper but his peace of mind disappears with my words; his shoulders tense up, his jaw becomes rigid, and his voice glints with a steely edge.

"You are a silly, ignorant girl with an out-of-control imagination and a single-track frame of mind. Your accusations are ridiculous."

"Well, it's not like you're giving me a good impression!" I snap back, prodding his chest with a finger. "Thousand dollar suit, private cruise ship, spending classes signing autographs—how can something like justice_ possibly_ fit into your life of stardom-aisu?"

Edo frowns, and brushes off my finger edgily. "And what makes you think you're so special that I actually have to prove to you what I have believed in all my life just so I can go to sleep tonight with a peace of mind?"

"You've believed in the concept of justice all your life-aisu?" I taunt, voice lined with an edge of skepticism.

"I believe the world needs a hero," he states firmly. "That hero is me."

Disbelief strikes me like a cinderblock on the head. He's kidding right? Please tell me he's kidding. But it's obvious with just a glimpse of his face that Edo's light-years away from kidding around. The determination is etched into his expression like words on a tombstone, and for some reason that strikes me as uncontrollably funny. Out of the blue, I burst into peals of laughter.

"Can you get any cheesier? Reality Check 101—comic books are for _third graders_. You're a little old to pretend you're Superman-aisu!"

My words act like the sudden burst of air that topples over the house of cards representing his patience.

"Just why don't you believe me? Is there even a point of continuing this conversation if all you're going to do is to deny everything I say?" Edo yells in increasing volume, all his suppressed anger and frustration finally making it to the surface. "Just because my answer doesn't live up to your standards does not mean you have to continue _blinding arguing_! This isn't some causal 'battle of wits' or 'parry of clever comments' or whatever you're fantasizing it to be. Make your point or leave. You're wasting my time."

Honestly, this is the first time I've seen him so worked up but his annoyance only fuels my sardonic behavior on grounds I can't even explain. I find pleasure in seeing Edo seethe in rage. It makes me feel…in control, I guess. Then without really thinking, I poke out my tongue and roll my eyes to the back of my head.

"You're right-aisu. We're not doing a verbal tango across the dance floor. We're having passive-aggressive bitchfest."

Ceruleans flare with infuriation. "Get off my ship this instant."

"Ooh, ooh, does that mean I win this 'parry of clever comments'?"

"If you don't leave in the next five seconds, I swear I'll—"

"—you'll _what_? Beat me up?" I guffaw and grant him a sneer, my silliness transforming into scorn. "You saw me fight before. I'll fucking break your jaw if you do so much as land a finger on me. So what now?"

_Click. _

His face is expressionless as he activates the duel disk around his left forearm. His stance is suddenly deadly; his eyes narrow into slits, and to complete the effect, a condescending smirk sweeps across his once impassive face, the same smirk that evoked disaster to hundreds of duelists across the world.

"How many times have you lost to me in this card game? Five? No, I believe it's six. But then again, who's been counting?" He calmly motions me to oppose him. "Come. Even if no one's watching, I'll still humiliate you beyond belief."

My playful attitude evaporates. I pale.

His anger, which had been a destructive volcano bursting with red-hot, scathing lava simply made me a foolhardy machine of sarcasm and sharp comebacks. But this—this _calmness_ that most people would gladly prefer over his furious seething—kills me. Edo is the one person who doesn't have to raise his voice or raise his fist to force me into submission. A string of disapproving words, a careless comment tossed in my direction…doesn't Edo know these little things plow deep into my conscience, stripping me bare and naked for everyone to see?

"_Well,_" I say in a hushed whisper, eyeing him resentfully. "You're a lovely bastard. A lovely narcissistic, egomaniacal bastard—"

"On the contrary, Toukouseki-san, I can be a polite and kind gentleman when I choose to," he interrupts, all composed and icy and radiating with an overwhelming sense of authority. "It's just cowards who wear a smug smirk of delusional confidence when they duel don't deserve my compassion."

"Do _shut up_—"

"I don't mind giving tips to a novice to help them improve but when a two-bit smartass thinks they're hot stuff and starts accusing others of being false about their beliefs despite being a hypocrite themselves—"

"Well I'm **sorry** I ain't like you, Edo Phoenix!" I scream.

—_I hate him I hate him I hate him— _

"I'm sorry I don't have a righteous goal in life to cleanse the world of evil! I'm sorry I'm not a child prodigy with two PHD's at age fifteen! I'm sorry I'm not all rich and famous and have a happy and perfect life or whatever!"

"There you go again with your_ stupid_ accusations," he snarls abruptly. "What led you to believe I have a perfect life, huh? Because I'm a celebrity? Because I have rare cards? Because I'm an accomplished athlete? Money can't buy everything. It may have bought me sky-surfing lessons—but it sure didn't buy me happiness."

"Oh really?" I sneer.

"Yeah." His eyes glint with jagged emotion. His breathing becomes harsh and ragged. His voice lowers to a lethal hiss. "Here's news for you: My father is dead. _Murdered_."

His eyes reflect with livid anger, yet are sullen at the same time, weighed down with remorse and something else I can't comprehend. I sense that he's drowning in an ocean of regret, though that's probably just the tip of the iceberg.

"You think money can buy his life back?" he continues. "My father was a great man who loved to do his job as a card designer. The D-heroes were the last cards he created before his death. They are his legacy to me. I duel in his name to bring justice to the world as a hero. _That'_s my reason for dueling."

I look at Edo's stern face, then suddenly all my hatred bleeds dry and I'm left as a mediocre husk, a waste of space and air and a slot of good genetics.

"So you weren't lying," I say hollowly.

"No, I don't believe I was."

"Well, I wasn't lying either," I mumble and my voice cracks. Wet pinpricks dot the corner of my eyes. What's happening…?

"That's mighty fine for you except I've stopped pitying your problems a long time ago." His glare drives a knife into my heart. "I have no sympathy for you. Now for the last and final time—get off my ship."

…

The battle's over. I lost to Edo for the seventh and final time.

Tears well up. _Goddammit_.

Edo, too, recognizes his victory. He knows my willpower to argue is gone because he makes a noncommittal 'hn', closes his eyes, and deactivates the weapon he didn't even have to use to obtain his victory. But when he opens his eyes once more he's greeted with a pitiful sight.

I'm facing the handrail and my knuckles are a shade of deathly white from gripping the railing too hard. My head is lowered so that my hair covers my eyes, and soft, mewing sobs escape my parted lips all the while racking my shoulders. So much for my oath to never cry in public again.

Edo doesn't anticipate my reaction. He instantly betrays his words as the creases of spite on his face soften into rueful guilt. "Hey…don't cry…"

So much irony. Didn't he just say he had no sympathy for me?

I don't trouble myself with wiping my tears away. I simply swerve my head towards him, raising my tearstained gaze to meets his, whispering, "You asked me why I didn't believe you." My lips tremble. "Why? You want to know why?"

The irises of his eyes dilate when my fist comes toward him at full throttle, only stopping at the final second so that my knuckles are poised inches away from breaking his face and making blood spurt out of his nose in tiny rivers. When Edo realizes I have no intention of carrying out this punch, he blinks, and then glares at me warily.

"Why." Not a question.

"_Because_… Because you make me feel worthless and inferior. Because you're always right. Because I'm absolutely nothing next to you as a duelist who talks the talk but can't walk the walk and I know I'm just repeating myself—_but I'm just not like you_."

My arm drops limply to my side. I tear my eyes away from his face.

"I don't have this special, self-sacrificing reason to use my cards for the benefit of others. The fact you have a reason to duel…it's only _another _reason on the list to why you're superior to me. I thought maybe if I argued long enough against your ideals of justice, I could convince myself otherwise…and…"

Teardrops pitter to the floor.

"…I'm sorry."

The apology marks the finish to my fifteen-minute outburst. Silence. We stand in it, breath it, feel it whipping across our faces as we struggle with these words unspoken, memories undiscovered, notions untouched—it all hangs over us like thick fog despite the clear sky and the seagulls flying circles over our heads.

Edo doesn't scathingly retort he would be a lunatic to accept my apology nor does he make any motion of clemency. He just regards me with a solemn look. His feelings, his thoughts, his expressions are all painstakingly repressed to the point where I feel like there's a curtain drawn in front of him to hide him from the rest of the world. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't know whether he believes me or not.

"I'm not going to teach you how to become a better duelist," Edo says at last, and there is a tone of hard finality in his voice.

I feign a laugh. "Don't worry. I've already learned my lesson-aisu."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. We can't all be heroes. Tough luck for me, ain't it?"

He gives me a sharp look. "Toukouseki-san."

"Don't call me that, Edo. You're American. Don't insult the Japanese with your shallow attempt to emulate our language-aisu," I criticize him, but my weary manner cancels out the viciousness of my words.

"Touché."

"Riposte. And we're having an argument not a sword fight-aisu."

"The argument is a thing of the past."

"You didn't respond with another fencing pun. You lose my respect."

"…"

"I'm a schlump to everyone. No exceptions, Edo."

Edo raises an eyebrow. Even though his expression remains set in stone, a tiny flicker of amusement dances behind his solemn façade. In response to his discreet mirth, I twist my lips into a tired smile.

But it's not a happy smile. It's a smile of surrender, disgrace, and weariness. I'm sick of this. I'm sick of him. While I'm glad we're no longer enemies at each other's necks, this isn't the way I wanted everything to work out. Nothing changed. Even after all this time, I'm still at rock bottom while Edo continues to loft around on cloud nine. Anyone who says life is fair deserves to be shot repeatedly in the head with an AK-47 until their brains ooze out of their skulls because_ it isn't_.

I sigh and flick him a lame wave. "I'm going to leave now. Ta-ta."

Just before I turn around, Edo produces a handkerchief from his coat flap. He holds it to me. "Here. You still have some tears on your face."

"I don't get why you care to begin with," I say blankly, taking it from him and swabbing the last of my tears. "Is this something to do with your heroism-aisu?"

A pause. "I was crying over my father's corpse the night he died. I…don't like seeing other people cry."

Instead of answering, I present him with his handkerchief, crumpled and damp in all its cotton glory.

Edo refuses it by raising his palm. "You can keep it. I have many others."

I'm in the right mind to throw the damned thing on the ground and stomp on it while Edo's watching. But I don't. I feel like I already hurt him too much and too unfairly. So I tonelessly thank him, stride over to the edge of the ship and vault over the railing, landing on the planks of the dock and not really caring if my miniskirt flies up in the process. Then I trod back to my dorm with one hand clutching Edo's handkerchief and the other one carrying my heavy heart.


	4. 4

"You're really giving up that easily?"

I nod wearily.

She pauses, blinking, before throwing her head back and cackling like a deranged maniac. "_So it **was** just a fluke that you beat me_!"

"Kochou-kun…" I set my pen down and massage my temples.

"I knew it! I knew it all this time! I mean, c'mon, me, Kochou Ran, the girl who is most surely qualified to join the pro leagues had it not been for that little brat…lose to a nobody like you?"

"_Kochou_-kun…"

She plants both hands on her hips, with a half-bitten apple in one of them. Her cackles reduce to sniggering. "You're a wimp." A hair flip.

I really hope Ran knows that I am_ this _close to stabbing her eyes out. Or throttling her. Which ever comes first. I sigh.

My Edo-free week didn't turn out as wonderful as I had hoped. That's the long and short of it.

The long of it is that I've lost all my duels ever since the last time I laid eyes on Edo to the point where my confidence has dropped below negative twenty-five on the self-esteem thermometer—thirty-two degrees being Kanda's level, ninety-eight being Edo's level, and two hundred sixteen being Ran's egotist altitude—speaking of who, I've developed a pseudo-relationship with for unlikely reasons even though both of us can hardly brag about being more than a mere acquaintance of the other, oh, and before I forget—I'm very, very depressed.

The short of it is I have feelings for Hell Kaiser Ryou.

…yeah.

I guess that's why I've been hanging around Ran so much, even though I just have this teeny-weeny crush and she has this big huge whopping love-fest with bells and streamers and chocolate sprinkles. It's also why I've been rambling and abusing run-on sentences the past few days. Of course, Ran thinks I'm just being a moody sore loser rather than being heartsick. I guess I'm just really good at concealing my feelings or maybe others just don't think I'm the type that's interested in romance.

Well, either way, I'm not going to deny my feelings because I'm not ashamed. Pretending I'm so emotionless robot who doesn't know the existence of love is just not my gig. I accept the fact that I am an average teenage girl, have hormones, and a soft spot for guys who wear black leather and are into masochistic bondage. (Though at the same time, I'm not going to fantasize about how Ryou's going to swoop down from the heavens and carry me away bridal-style to some romantic getaway where we will spend the rest of our days relaxing and cuddling and totally not dueling.)

I pick up my pen again, dab the tip of my pen on my tongue, and attempt to finish Satou-sensei's homework while Ran eats and commentaries in the background.

"So how has your 'recovery' been going from Marufuji-kun?" I say when my patience is only hanging by a thin thread. "Do you have any new hobbies now that fangirling is off the list? You can take up knitting, you know. Or learning how to fold origami."

That gets her attention. "Oh, no, I'm not falling for **that one** again! You're preparing to diss him, aren't you?" She scrutinizes me suspiciously. "Why do you call him that anyway?_ -kun._ Why not -san?"

I ignore her question. "…he's very indifferent-aisu."

"He's_ hot_."

"Yeah. If his shirt was any tighter, it'd be spray-painted to his chest-aisu," I agree absentmindedly.

"…" Ran takes a seat next to me. "You're acting strange these days. And today isn't the first day."

Wha? She actually pays attention to how I act throughout the course of a week? I feel so appreciated. "Ah," is my vague reply.

"What's wrong?" she demands in a totally-not-compassionate voice.

"Nothing's wrong."

"That's a lie. Something is wrong with you."

"Ah."

Her eyes narrow. "Fine. Be that way. If you're not going to tell me, then I simply won't care!"

"Ah."

"And will you _stop _that?"

I look up from my papers and blink at her. "…ah?" I look down again. "'k."

She slaps a hand across her face.

After I finish my homework, I tell Ran off— "_See you tomorrow lunch._" "_Hmph! By tomorrow I'll find somebody better to socialize with than a loser like you!_" "_You can say that when somebody un-purifies the white dorm and resets the social pyramid back to its norm-aisu._" —and leave.

Wandering down sidetrack lane, technically Ran would be classified as a 'slut' or 'prep' and I'd be classified as a 'outcast' but the typical high school stereotypes aren't quite upheld here seeing as: 1) Everyone is a prep for attending a preparatory school in the first place, 2) All the girls are sluts for wearing the mandatory miniskirt uniforms, and 3) Anybody who isn't in the Hikari no Kessha is an outcast. So yeah, labels don't really work in Duel Academia.

Hmm...the school year is ending soon. There's only two weeks left to the Genex Tournament and then arrives the summer vacation. Yet somehow, summer vacation doesn't spark my enthusiasm. Nothing does these days. I don't know why, either.

Yeah. That's it.

I just don't know anymore.

I had set myself up for success but it just ended up as a failure. I can't think or function or do anything productive. I'm negative about everything; my outlook on life is gray—which sucks because it's between white and black. Some people turn depressed because of guilt over something important—a lost family member, or a murder on those terms. But the way they're depressed is almost artistic, poetic, surreal. They could best describe their depression like—

_I have slain thousands and spilled innocent blood. My hands are soiled. I am tainted imperfect, dirty. I se myself through a crimson veil I continue because that's what I have to do. Because it's my job. _

In contract, my depression is more—

_I hate everything, nobody understands me because they're stupid. I'm really fat. And ugly. And worthless. I'm a failure. _

It's shallow, it's petulant, and it's whiny, stupid, and self-absorption, and over-exaggerated. It's...gray. Not rich, violent black. Just gray. That's the problem with gray. Not depressed enough to be suicidal, slitting my wrists and abusing drugs 'cause that's the type of stuff that appears in newspapers and documentaries you watch in health class.

Ryou can be defined as real depression. He loses to Edo and his life spiral down from there. He loses ten consecutive pro-duels in a row, does something funky, then rises up with a whole new persona, all dark and gothic and wholly scary. Like being reborn from the flames like a phoenix.

I can be defined as a not so real depression. I don't duel anymore, at least not seriously, because I'm a coward and I'm afraid. I tell myself I'll do it eventually but that never happens. Not even remotely interesting. Not as interesting as a story filled with profound moments of anguish and despair and humiliation. No events that jump out at you or make tears come to your eyes.

Shades of gray.

Then a shout from the courtyard captures my attention. I stroll over to the large throng of people gathering around a duel—or more accurately, the end of a duel. My heart skips a beat when I catch a glimpse of one of the duelists.

His gothic black attire easily stands out from the sea of white, blue and yellow uniforms: it's Hell Kaiser Ryou, cold and domineering as ever. He doesn't bother picking up the medals that flew from the clouds of smoke of his trampled opponent. Ignores the low whispers and '_no way_!'s coming from the crowd like chitterling mice. Just stares ahead of him, tall and proud and brutally indifferent and unconnected with the world around him.

An Osiris kid scrambles forward and makes a move on the medals. "Hey—I call first dibs on these babies."

"Wait." I step out of the crowd and glide in front of him. "Those are his."

The kid gawks at me like I'm a nutjob. "He doesn't care about these!" he argues. "They're up for grabs."

"It's still his."

I kneel down and retrieve the medal he was about to filch, wiping away the dirt on some of the more particularly grimy ones. Once I'm done, I stand up and stare at the boy, as well as the rest of the crowd.

"I'm going to give it to him." My voice comes out soft and somewhat empty, rather than snappish and full of pride like it normally is. I turn around and begin walking away.

However, the Osiris boy grows indignant. "_Hey_!" he shouts at me. "You can't just do that!"

I glance behind. "…tell it to someone who cares-aisu."

And so I leave, in somewhat the same fashion as Ryou, unconcerned of the background noise that is the crowd, unconcerned about everything and anything that isn't significant at this present time.

I travel towards the direction that Ryou left the duel, playing out how our encounter might turn out in my head. Would he thank me? Would he slap them out of my hands? A simple glare and whoosh of the trenchcoat? I don't know why I'm doing this, really. I guess I maybe want…to talk to him. Or just…know more about him. See how he functions. What turns his gears. His habits, his passions, his tastes. He's like an unsolved Rubik cube.

After a bit of basically wandering about, I spot a patch of cobalt bobbing up and down from some underbrush and take a wild guess that I've found my target. Somewhat mindlessly, and allowing my body to function before my mind, I tiptoe towards him until he's only a shadow's length away from me. Then I duck behind a nearby tree and chuck a medal in Ryou's direction. Lady luck is on my side because it lands smack-dab on his head, like a quarter on a plate skipping games you find at carnivals.

His reaction is immediate. With the velocity of a slingshot, Ryou's whips around, stabbing the trees to death with his glare-blades of doom and destruction. His movements were so fast, I barely saw him snatch the medal from his head.

"_Who did that_?" he thunders. By then, I'm long since been hiding behind the tree.

He looks around some more and then starts to walk off in the other direction once more. Seconds later, I fling another one at him. Ryou shuts an eye when the second medal lands on his head, and then frowns, somewhat cutely, plucking the cursed thing off his head and grinding his teeth in aggravation.

He snarls.

I go back into hiding.

I have a bad need to giggle. The motivation that's fueling me is part-anger, part-frustration, and part-sick amusement. I accept what I'm doing is the stupidest thing ever, but, c'mon. Haven't you ever felt like there are just times when you just want to do something and not give a damn about what the world thinks? Aren't you ever tired of being mature in society's eyes sometimes? I guess that's what I'm feeling right now. I've been down in the dumps for so long now that I don't want to be huffy and moody and all tough girl-ish, emoing about the world's dilemmas—I want to act like a preteen hyped up on sugar just for a little while to take my mind away from my troubles. Then I'll sink back into the depths of cold, cold reality.

Unfortunately, the temptation is too great for me to resist and I let out a small, girlish titter that's quickly muffled by my hand. But I'm not quick enough. A hand grips my shoulder and flings me around—

"You think that's funny? You think so—"

—and the next thing I know, I'm peering into Ryou's cobalt eyes. He cuts off when he sees the smile on my face. For a split second, a flicker of revelation flits across his face, but it goes as quickly as it comes. It's acknowledgment. He remembers me as that girl from before; the one who witnessed his moment of weakness.

His grip on my shoulder is so hard there's no doubt I'll wake up bruised tomorrow morning. He wants to hurt me. Wants to teach me a lesson that Hell Kaiser's not someone you should poke with a funny stick and think you can run away unscathed. Yet at the same time, he doesn't have any desire to do so. He's not a vengeful man. Doesn't _hate _or _spite_ others. Simply looks _down upon_ them.

Knowing this fact is the reason why I'm not afraid of Ryou. All the rumors I heard, all the newspapers and magazine clippings I read, the interviews, the commentary, the duels—they're all bullcrap, really. Ryou's not _evil_. I bet he'd even give someone the directions to the post office if asked. I guess he's just colder than before. More sealed. He doesn't really have a personality…

My lips part.

"...sorry."

The single syllable comes out breathless.

His eyebrows furrow in confusion at my bizarre behavior, though I can't say I know why I'm acting this way either. Lost in though, I extend my hand towards him—only to get caught by the wrist.

"What are you doing?" he demands, possessing the same steely edge in his voice for he's far away from trusting me.

I slowly raise my gaze to meet his. "…is your heart still hurting? Aisu?" My voice comes out oddly detached.

His face is set in stone. "That's none of your business."

"Yeah," I simply consent.

Ryou lowers his guard and loosens his hold on my wrist for a second, but that second is enough for me to set my outspread palm against his chest. He stiffens from my touch, but keeps quiet, to my mild surprise. I feel the irregular beat of his heart while he observes me in muted deliberation.

"...do you enjoy pain?"

"It's the only way to duel," he replies coldly. He offers no further explanation. Guess I'm not someone worth wasting his breath on.

"A hell duel?" I muse. Then I remember the reason why I'm here in the first place. "These are yours. Aisu."

He takes one look at the gleaming diskettes in my hand and then shoves me away, perhaps a little harder than he intended to. I think he says something, something harsh and cold, but I don't hear him, because by that time common sense smacks me good and I'm stumbling away—no, running—no, sprinting. Sprinting back to the only place I feel safe: my room.

I think I should try out for the track & field because I seem to be very talented in running—running away that is. How many times I've run away from challenges rather than face them head on? I…feel ashamed. What in the _world_ did I just do? I just threw a freakin' medal on Hell Kaiser Ryou Marufuji's head, asked him about his heart condition, and then **completely **overreact when he rejects my present. I'm a drama queen. I over theatrical things. Oh my god, I have problems. Yes, I do. Loads of them. Enough to fill up a storage room.

My dorm room is on the second floor with a balcony. The convenient tree next to said balcony becomes a proxy ladder that I climb up and jet into my room through the balcony door because I want to get into my haven as quickly as possible and get so goddamned wasted the past half an hour rusts into a dazed memory in the back of my file.

It's just a shame I don't drink.

Once inside, I immediately flop onto my bed without bothering to undress. I stare at the ceiling. The ceiling is white. The opposite of black. Opposites. Sort of like...Ryou and Edo. I inwardly wince at the thought of Ryou's name. Still. That's right, actually. I never thought about it before, but now that I have—both in appearances and personality-wise, the shade and tint describes these two Pro-League duelists perfectly.

Black is bold and dark and it stands out, thick rich paint you splatter on the walls, and something you can't see—a potential almost, serious, demanding, rebellious, intimidating, and emotionless. Everything that stands for Hell Kaiser.

White is transparent, crystal clear, yet opaque as well, waves of passion, burning hot pain, creamy creamy milk, purity, hope, innocence, light, courage, cleanliness, freedom, and perfection. A _perfect _epitome of Edo Phoenix.

Black. White.

…and gray.

You mix black and white together, and you get gray.

Yet unlike its mommy and daddy components, baby gray is a bland and boring and annoying, like a dust bunny blowing by the leg of a chair or the color of a ceiling when you're staring at it in math class. Everyone knows suffering in math class can't possible compare to being rotted to the brink of insanity by having screwed drilled into your skull but it's bad enough to complain about. It's a neutral color. That's why all the neutral countries in war are colored gray on the geography maps. Conservative, like the suits business men wear, it seldom evokes strong emotion. Cloudy.

Shades of gray.

Shades of gray…

…

I drift into unnatural sleep woven with melancholy, despair, and teddy bears getting stabbed by acto knives. When I awaken, it's half past seven. I need some water. I need a walk. I need Zoloft.

I bunch my hair into my traditional style of pigtails to keep it out of my eyes and look myself in the mirror. A bleak, pale face stares back. Huh. You know—I think I lost some weight. Three to four pounds, as a side effect of depression is loss of appetite. Figures.

(Figures that weight loss can't spark my enthusiasm either.)

After listlessly entertaining myself with my reflection, I leave my dorm and take the walk I had planned. Even though I skipped dinner, I'm not remotely hungry.

I wonder how Edo's doing. Edo's probably observant enough to know I'm upset and probably thinks I belong in a mental insinuation or something, but the only thing I lament over is the way I had to leave because gawds, I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea or that I _like _him or anything like that.

I remember what Edo said about his father. He was murdered. Though honestly, I wouldn't have guessed that to be part of his life in a million years had Edo not informed me. He simply doesn't **act** like a charity case. I'm not saying this out of scorn. I've given up my scorn for Edo since that day. I'm just saying...well...what I _see_.

A shoulder collides with mine.

"Oh... excuse me."

I freeze.

He seems to realize it as well, though he doesn't count these circumstances as the gods poking fun of a poor, deluded girl suffering from a petulant teenager state of depression and be morally outraged at the heavens.

"Toukouseki-san? I mean—I mean, Toukouseki_?"_

A week of not seeing him, of almost _purposely avoiding _him, and here he has to go and _recognize_ me. Couldn't just pretend he didn't see a thing. Couldn't just have poor night vision, oh no, the kid's blessed with excellent dueling skills, athletic talent, charisma, charm, a pretty face, **and** the eyes of a cat.

I rotate my head, and there he is in all his magnificent glory—Edo Phoenix. Looking suave as ever. The darkness only sharpens his good looks.

He doesn't shirk away like he always did when I marched up to him and accused him of being everything except a loser. "Ah...I barely recognized you there. You..." He searches for the right words. "...look nice."

Awkward. "Yeah," I reply simply. "It's dark-aisu."

I'm not as flattered as I should be. I know Edo's feeling guilty for making me cry on that time on his ship so he's trying to repair the stitches to our relationship by flattering me.

He startles slightly. "How are you doing these days?" Edo asks hesitantly, studying me carefully. Apparently, the fact I haven't tackled him to the ground and pulled on his hair strikes him as weird.

I shrug. "Fine."

He breaks into a forced smile. "Really? That's good to hear."

"Mh-hmm." I cast my eyes at the starless sky, an insect on a leaf, the spores growing from the hollows of a tree trunk—anywhere away from his face. This would be a nice time for him to give up and leave. I have to finish my walk anyway.

Edo purses his lips before attempting small-talk. His 'polite gentleman' complex is kicking in. "So anything interesting happened lately?"

"Not really."

"Engaged in any duels?"

"Sort of. Depends what you define as duels-aisu."

He laughs uncomfortably at my attempted humor which wasn't really an attempt at humor at all. I simply nod and shrug in response.

He's waiting for me to burst out yelling how much I hate him and how absolutely mean and nasty and snobbishly famous he is and blah, blah, blah. You know, like in all our past confrontations.

Instead, my eyes remain firmly fixed on his tie. It's a nice tie.

"...I guess I'll be seeing you then," Edo finally concludes when I don't show any signs of wanting to take this one-sided conversation into my own hands. Another forced smile. A lame brush of the hand in a gesture of salutations. "Good night."

I witness the ever so familiar scene of Edo turning around and leaving right before my eyes…

"Wait—" I suddenly call out, ignoring the little devils floating around my head screaming déjà vu in my ears.

My call receives a backwards glance from Edo, though this time, he's genuinely curious. I have a tough time holding my gaze with his, crystal blue and bleached red, but I swallow the lump in my throat and try my best to dam up my courage.

"I…"

…falter.

I want to speak my mind. No more immature, petulant hating. I don't **hate** Edo. He never did anything wrong, never wronged me (but I needed a scapegoat, and dammit, he was as good as lambs came).

Sad truth is that now that we're not at each other's throat anymore, there really isn't much else to discuss. Ever since I lost the guts to oppose him, my worth has shrunk to the point where now I'm just another girl in his eyes—an ordinary girl, not particularly pretty or smart or special. I'm no longer interesting to him (assuming I was to begin with), no longer a puzzle to solve or an onion with layers of skin to peel away. I'm lucid and transparent and see-through and simply not fascinating enough to continue to hang around with. Rebellion sparks interest. Passivity brings yawns.

What do I tell Edo? What_ can_ I tell Edo? Nothing I say honestly matters that much to him. Oh, Edo… In the end, everything boils down to the lone truth that I'm simply not as important as you. Your life, your significance, is just far greater than mine. So maybe I'll just stop this childish emo moping and try to move on. Yes, for real this time. I've accepted I'm just nothing next to you.

Edo seems to sense that I am at a lost for words and have just made a mentally resigned conclusion. He takes charge of the situation and steps forward, extending his hand towards me—an act of kindness? Pity? Or just another part of his gentleman complex?

"…come on. It's getting late. You should get back as well," he says, working up a tired but gentle smile.

I don't think I have the willpower to decline, so I take his hand and allow him to lead me towards the Obelisk Blue dorms.

You know, Edo has always shown a lot of concern to me, especially when no one else had. It's a nice warm feeling; the feeling that someone cares. I don't care if he's just suffering from a gentleman/hero complex or is carrying out his code of chivalry—it's nice to know that somebody puts in the effort to even _pretend _to care.

As we stop at the steps of the dormitory, I vaguely realize that his hair isn't white, it's silver.

"We're here." He lets go of my hand and draws back while I totter up the steps. "Goodnight, Toukouseki-san," he says when I reach the top. He waves his hand at me. There's a pleasant smile on his face.

I smile slightly in return. "...g'night, Phoenix-kun."

I don't look back after this moment so I can't see his expression whether it be shocked, confused, or simply nonchalant.

I enter the Obelisk dorms feeling warm and yet empty at the same time. What a day today's being. My unfortunate—and now that I think about, somewhat enchanting—encounter with Hell Kaiser Ryou…and then bumping into Edo after avoiding him for a week. Edo… You know, one day I'd like to break down this invisible barrier of his—so maybe he can stop acting so damned nice to me—but the truth is it's just all one huge fantasy, because no one can change a person except for that person him or herself. What a nice, interesting day. I wonder if it could ever happen again…

Caught up with recollecting my day, I don't notice the blur of white bulleting in my direction at full-throttle until it _CRASHBANGTACKLES_ me and sends the both of us sprawling on the carpeted floor.

"_Mahh_…"

I groan loudly, feeling my chipper mood drain away like water dumped from a tuna fish can. There's only person with a whimper like that.

"Tsugiokunyoujackassloserfaggot." The words come out in one incoherent string. "OFF. OFF ME. **NOW**."

You know, I was feeling just a _teeny-weenie_ better today after my positive (ok, maybe not _positive_) encounters with Ryou and Edo. Just a teeny-weenie better. And then this lump of dumbcrap has to ruin my mood. Way to go, Hikari no Dork.

"_TSUGIO-KUN_!"

I try to scrape together what's left of my dignity in order to return to my room quickly as possible before some passerby accidentally happens to stumble upon this pseudo-grope fest and ruin my rep in this academia forever and ever. However, Kanda doesn't share my thoughts. He stays plastered on top of me like white on rice. Jeez, Junko was right when she called him a pervert.

Kanda reads my mind and removes himself from me. He rises from the ground and straightens his Obelisk White uniform, turning his back towards me while he does so, while apologizing profusely. I notice that his voice is cracked.

I stare at him. "What the eff happened to you-aisu?" I demand.

"Ah? What this? It's nothing, nothing at all..." He hiccups, and quickly puts a hand on his mouth to repress it. "Sorry again…"

"Shut up and tell me what's wrong-aisu," I ask him again, sounding familiarly like Ran. I pause. What the hell just happened to me?

"Nothing's wrong!" he exclaims earnestly, though I'm a 100 percent sure he's lying through his teeth. A beat. "I'm kinda glad though...that she turned me down...can't keep on chasing after her heels for the rest of my life, you know...heh..."

My skepticism increases. "You got turned down by a girl, right?" I state bluntly.

Kanda glances at me, giving me a shaky grin. "Heh, I'm not exactly hiding it well, am I now?"

"And you're _glad_?"

Another hiccup. His eyes trail back to the familiar spot on the floor. He scratches his nose. "Well, it was better to try than to not try at all. I learned something from being turned down."

"Excuse me?" _That's the biggest bullshit I ever heard 'cause you don't get hurt if you don't try_, I add silently to myself.

"You can't brag about living if you never try new things. That's what life is about." I wrinkle my nose, yet Kanda overlooks this and continues with an unusual assurance in his voice. It's not confidence. Yet I don't sense a low sense of worth from him. "Life is about happiness. And in order to achieve happiness, you have to take risks and leap over hurtles."

I stare at him warily and cross my arms. "That's cute," I reply dryly, "except sometimes the risks you take only lead to your failure-aisu."

He shrugs a shrug not so unlike my own. "You don't have to succeed to be happy."

I wasn't expecting such an answer. My eyebrow knits together, and Kanda notices my incredulous reaction for once. He lets out a sigh, shoulders hunching; the sudden spark of self-assurance dissolving into nothing and all that's left is the same nerd that got picked on and abused by his own cult.

"I love Asuka-tan," he starts slowly after a prolonged period of contemplation. "And I'll never stop loving her. But in the back of my mind, I know that she'll never love me back and no matter how hard I try to look cool in her eyes I won't be and never will be the guy she wants." He casts his gaze at his boots, smiling slightly. "But I'm ok with that."

"Then you're a loser!" I blurt out before I can control myself. I quickly catch my mistake, and glance away, stuttering, "I mean—"

Kanda shakes his head with a sad glint in his eye. "It's alright. Maybe I am a loser. Maybe I didn't succeed in my goal." He hesitates, looking down at his boots for a second time, as if in deep thought, before raising his gaze to meet mine, firm and determined and headstrong. "But I've grown."

I feel a prickling up my spine by simply looking at him.

"My experience as a lover has taught me many things and nobody can take those experiences from me. They've become part of me. And if people tell me otherwise, then they're simply wrong. That's one part of my confidence nobody can ever crush. That's what life is about. Making mistakes…and learning from them…having ups and downs, good days and bad days. And in the end, looking back and smiling on how much you've grown after all that."

Then Kanda flashes me a simple smile—genuine and pure, without a trace of deceit, without a trace of mockery, without a trace of hesitation or restrain. After a second, his smile falters and he closes his eyes, rubbing the back of his head and laughing awkwardly.

"Man, what a cheesy speech. I'm really such a dork…" An uncomfortable laugh.

Silence.

"Tsugio-kun…you're smart," I finally admit, very candidly.

He blinks. "Mah? But I learned this from you, Tou-tan! You're the one who taught me all this!"

...**I** taught him this?

Being around Kanda…I realize I just…I just….

I gaze at my hand. My personality…it's been so passive this week…so docile and inert and just…not _me_. But being next to Kanda…

I look at his face. "...hey, Tsugio-kun?" I begin to ask him.

"Yeah?"

"Could you teach me how to duel?"

He gapes at me, wholly taken aback, and you know—I rather have a startled expression than an exasperated one any day. Nothing on Edo, of course. I understand the mistake I made by asking a pro league duelist to tutor and I want to learn from it by adjusting my standards.

Kanda blinks. "Ah, s-sure thing!" He clears his throat and all of a sudden, _he changes_. "I mean—_sure thing_!"

I arch an eyebrow. Did his testicles just drop five inches or something? What happened to his voice?

Kanda straightens up, holds his chin up, and puffs out his chest. "But first...you need a suit! And a microphone."

"…"

"And we'll have to work on your game show voice. And the poise has to be strong."

"…"

"And most importantly, you need a pretty girl, I mean, um, boy to protect their life from your Aniki!" He stops. He looks at my gawking, twitching expression and deflates slightly. "Um, you have a crush, right?" he asks hopefully in his non-gameshow voice.

My heart skips a beat. A crush? How long have I been waiting for someone to ask me this question? I...

Ryou with his hard set goal of victory...and Edo...whose hand felt so warm around mine.

And him...

"_...looking back and smiling on how much you've grown after all that." _

I...

I...

"...**I DON'T**."

My hand slices towards him, House of Flying Daggers style, and cuffs his head good.

"_Owww_!" Kanda yelps, rubbing his forehead, and peering at me with those big, innocent eyes.

"That's what you get for asking stupid questions-aisu!" I bark, retracting my hand to hit him again.

"But—but—_maah_!" he wails when my palm slaps his forehead once more, and throws his arms over his head as a makeshift shelter apparatus. "That hurt, Tou-tan!"

"Toukouseki da! _Toukouseki_ da!"

"_Tannnn_..."

I fume. "I'll get you for this-aisu!"

Kanda yelps when I attempt to kick him, turns a heel, and hightails the holy hell away from me and my murderous lust. I chase him down the hallways of the Obelisk Blue dormitory, brandishing my knuckles as a threatening weapon. This goes on for a little bit and we pass through half a dozen corridors until he accidentally trips in a rut in the carpet and sprawls on the floor, in which I end up tripping over his crumpled heap of white clothing and dorkiness, roll around, and basically end up in the same position as our first encounter.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. I think my spinal cord just dislocated in three different places. I wearily raise my index finger in the air. "...Tsugio-kun," I mumble, exhausted. "Let's get something straight. …I have no interest in guys. You got that?"

Kanda innocently props his chin on my chest to gaze at me. "Oh…ok, I understand, Tou-tan. You like girls."

I burst.

"**_KANDA_**!"

Somehow, someway, that Hikari no Dork manages to get out of the situation alive, but not without severe neck injuries from repeated strangling. (I spared his boy-parts out of goodwill.) Then he bids me a goodnight, and we part our separate ways, but not before he says:

"You should smile more. You look so much prettier when you smile."

Then it occurs to me I've been happier these past ten minutes with this nerdy, perverted nobody than I have been with Ryou and Edo combined. My soul feels full for the first time in a very long time and I find a genuine smile coming to my lips as I watch Kanda walk down the hallway. Oh, Kanda… I feel like I've been living in a dream-like state for these past seven days without knowing heads or tails where I'm supposed to go.

Thank you for pulling me out of it, you big dork.


End file.
